Louth Laughs: ‘Coolock Says No’ Swear Brits Will Be Much Nicer to us this Time

Last week Ireland was shaken by the news of renowned nationalist patriot group, ‘Coolock Says No’, teaming up with members of the Ulster Defence Association (UDA) at an anti-immigration riot in Belfast. The Union Jack waving UDA are famed throughout the island for carrying out a domestic

terror campaign targeting catholic civilians in the occupied north. Along with their allies in the Ulster Volunteer Forces (UVF), they murdered an estimated 431 people, the majority of whom were civilians.

Speaking exclusively to the Deeside Journal, a spokesperson for ‘Coolock Says No’ commented on the significant media attention surrounding group “I dunno what all this drama is about, the UDA lads are pure sound! We’re all in the same drug game so it was a savvy business move for us and we got loads of tips on burning people out of their homes, sure they’re the OGs at that one! They even shouted us a few rounds in a pub on Sandy Row after and I’ll tell ya what, that pub had the best soup I’ve ever tasted, the nicest British oxtail it was”. Responding to critics highlighting the hypocrisy of

claiming to be nationalists while supporting an anti-Irish hate group, the spokesperson commented “That’s all woke snowflake bullshit, these UDA lads hate immigrants and brown people as much as we do so it’s all good. Besides they only killed Catholics in Northern Ireland and sure they’re not proper Irish anyway.”

It was queried whether there were disagreements over the question of a united Ireland, the representative explained “At first, we were worried there may be some tension over that but eventually we all agreed the best thing for everyone would be for Ireland to unify, but under British rule. Don’t worry though, the UDA lads promised us that Britain would be nicer to us this time round.” “And sure even if they’re not, another 800 years of brutal occupation sounds a lot better than havin a load of foreigners about!” he added jovially.

The lively interview closed with the ‘Coolock Says No’ group representative regaling our reporter with the final words shared with the UDA before leaving Belfast “They gave us all a real nice pat on the head as we were leaving and deputised us as their new Dublin branch! One of them even let me

lick his boots, felt ten foot tall so I did! They told us ‘you keep burning down those migrant buildings down south lads and when Britain takes Ireland back we’ll put in a good word for you lads to be

considered protestant citizens.’ Now how lovely is that?”